Spirituality

There are a lot of pills that being religious helps you swallow — the death of a loved one, the loss of one’s job, unceremonious blindness…. Being irreligious means that you bear the entire responsibility of failing or succeeding, in good times and bad times, till you kiss death.

I promised myself that I’d never dabble into the spiritual lives of others. I respect my friends regardless of their religions and offer them lighters to burn their sages and herbs with. I feel that spirituality helps us all find our core. It makes us find meaning or a purpose to life. And so, it doesn’t matter where or under which religion one finds this peace. My only mantra is ‘let the freedom your religion offers you not limit or harm another person.’

This is day 70 or so of my quarantine. Some days you lose count. It might be more or less. Today, I finally showed up for a yoga class I signed up for three weeks ago. For three weeks, I have had good enough reasons as to why I could not make it. For clearer context, the year is 2020 and yoga classes, just like lectures, weddings, birthdays and first dates are all online. One can only imagine the lack of character it takes to be unable to meet an online appointment for three weeks.

For the first time in about two months, I was able to stop for 40 minutes and pay attention. I listened to the chirping sounds of the birds; the sound of the air condition in the old townhouse I live in as it grunted intermittently, letting cool air pass through its ventilators. I let myself feel the bulge in my stomach and the extra weight I have put on in these past few weeks of the (in)voluntary lock down period. I considered the pros and cons of moving to a new house and thought about the many stories I have been wanting to write about.

Today, I received a rejection mail. It’s growth for me to write this without tears in my eyes or fear in my heart. I am not yet as tough as I want to be. I wish I had the material in me that ricochets bullets thrown at her, instead of being left with dents that take extra care to repair. But the fact that I did yoga and wrote this piece after I got my rejection mail shows how much I have grown.

Today, someone offered to sell spirituality to me for $180. I laughed. We sat there in awkward silence till I was forced to ask her questions I could have easily googled. “How long does the program last?” “Do I have to subscribe to the app?” etc. It didn’t take a long time for silence to creep into our conversation once again without welcome. “Why wouldn’t you consider taking this program?” she asked. I laughed even harder than the first time. “I have other commitments.” I reply. Maintaining eye contact. She offers me the program for half the price and I smirk. I can tell she finds this rude. It is not my intention to be rude, but the voices in my head and I are amused at the fact that she believes I can afford to pay $90 for spirituality.

I have nothing against paying for spirituality or yoga or ice cream. But these are simply things I cannot afford in the pandemic. But I am glad that somewhere in life’s journey, I learned that peace is free and spirituality cannot be bought.

Your mind is racing

and you’re racing after it,

you often live in tomorrow and have not even stopped to see what today feels like,

this is your daily reminder to breathe,

to pop that wine that’s been in your fridge for days,

to listen to music,

or watch a movie,

or practice breathing exercises for a bit.

It’s your reminder to just stop,

to stop racing towards a future that isn’t promised and focus on today.